Let go let go let go let go let go
9:32 p.m. - 2006-08-12

You know...how band music used to be something that's almost the most productive to listen to while i study(apart from the times i actually start to tear the instrument parts apart and listen to them as individuals put together, and start fingering my euph parts).

Now. I just found this cd of 13 band pieces and put it on my player. I found myself, for the next 10 to 20 minutes staring at the same paragraph, and the same few words on my biology textbook '...called potential chemical energy...' to 'movement energy or kinetic energy...' Before snapping out of it and realising that i was wasting time.

But then, i feel my heart aching right now. It's hurt. It feels as if some shard of glass is stuck within and just slicing me slowly.

I MISS PLAYING WITH THE BAND.

I MISS PLAYING WITH SCGSCONCERT BAND

I miss playing abba, alvamar, sock hop, queens park, and all those random pieces with the beautiful beautiful yet super complicated for the average euphonium player in scgscb passages. Those running notes which i get so hyped up each time i see. The parts i love playing so much that unless it's of utmost importance i wouldn't even think of going to the bathroom to relieve myself(yeah. unless it bugs me till i can't even play high notes. Don't laugh sam.)

I miss all these passages so so much. I miss playing with the band. I miss is so so so so so much. The thought of making myself not join band anymore in jc is terrifying, but is something i must do (for personal reasons. Don't dig in further).

I remember being told in sec1 to really treasure my band days. I did that. To a certain extent. There was one period whereby band was making me cry for the wrong reasons. I really really hated band then. I hated band people. I hated everything related to band. Except of course, the most important bit of band. Music. Somehow each time i picked up my euphonium and played. I couldn't be as sad anymore. It has some natural healing properties that you can't really justify or put a reason as to why it is like that.

Now band brings tears to my eyes once again. Really, it really really hurts. I guess it's this whole band cd that really brought out this whole gust of emotions once again. I was really just keeping it all in till now. It's hidamari on the radio right now.

I remember my first piece. Sock Hop Tonight.

My first solo. Aventura

HAHAHHAHA. GREASE IS PLAYING ON MY RADIO NOW. THE SUMMER NIGHTS ONE. AHAHAHHAHA. I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY HAVE THAT IN MY BAND CD THING. IT'S NOT EVEN A BAND PIECE.

Whoa, i feel better now. hahhaa. THANKS GREASE. (this sounds wrong)

Yeah.

First piece as an SL: Pasadena

Last piece as an SL: (what did we play for the tanglin thing ah?) Oh yeah. Sock hop tonight. OMG. SOCK HOP TONIGHT. o_O

Last piece played on handover day: Queens Park Melody (the most beautiful queens park melody i've ever played. With the beautiful running passages and that weird thing that i love love love so so much)

Part played for orientation as a first year SL: Music of the Night

'I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIEEEE'

'YMCA'

Ok, the shrek dance party with lyrics is playing now. -_- Reminds me of scheherazade. haha.

1st handover: Go West, Lexicon
2nd handover: (Seriously, i can't remember. What was it? I just remember angie played queens park. A SUPER BEAUTIFUL one at that. Ok, a one that didn't die. But it was a bit too heavy for my liking. ahhhhh. That's what i remember anyway) Oh yes. My Secret Lovesong (is that all?)
3rd handover: RANDOM STUFF. ahhaha. Started with 7th night of july, till abrams and yadaydad. Random. And i forgot to bring my score. So hee. My section had nothing to play with. I played by memory. And yeah.

And then. 4th handover. My handover. The sec4s played Mambo Magic. I really hate that piece. I really really do. But yeah. We played it. I guess it's neutral for me right now cause it's my handover piece. I hate it so so much. Ok, i just am ok with it now. NORMAL. Ok, i don't hate it. I just dislike it. hahha. Come to think of it, i can't really remember why i dislike it, and now now, i don't really want to remember right? Ok, shucks, im remembering. I SHALL NOT REMEMBER.

People who left the section while I was SL: SiewTing and Nicolette.
People who left the section while ANGIE was SL: nil.
People who left the section while HUIYING was SL: nil.
People who left the section while CHERYL was SL: nil.
People who left the section while EDNA was SL: nil.

Seriously, everytime when i go 'thank goodness. I wouldnt want someone who doesnt like band to even BE in band', i really ask myself 'was i such a bad sl that people left?'

Maybe it's such a cowardice coverup, but seriously, those 2 hurt me so much. I must've been a bad sl.

Band brought me gastric pains. Yes. Peiying. Sigh. Whatever la.

I shall tell you a funny version of how i got gastric.

Peiying let us march under the hot sun for eternerty before lunch, and my rice turned into tiny maggots and i didn't eat and angie was busy and jinru was having her birthday and apparently not having scheherazade rehersal with us for one reason or another. I was sitting alone with this heavy chunk of metal in one corner, and staring into the distance at the green 'exit' sigh which looked so inviting. My lips were all dry, and i could feel myself turn pale(im serious. It happens.). Mr Yap kept asking me to play louder and louder and louder cause the stupid khoo audi is so cushioned, and in that band of 60 or so, i was the only euphonium player, and a sec2 at that with braces and still incapable of playing a simple piece like say, what's it called, fiera winds without dying halfway. And i was at 10% of my energy and about to faint, and there it came.

MY FIRST EVER GASTRIC PAINS. Not that funny, except probably the maggots part. MAGGOTS. I felt like puking la cause of the excessive heat and marching. (maybe more of heat) I should've just fallen out right. I'm such a nimwit.

Now for the REST of my life i live with gastric pains. Wowwhee. Band really leaves me with so much.

I miss the music.

I really do.

The music from the radio is just so different.

I shall sleep now. (btw. i was at the playground just now. Whoa, it's magic swinging high up on the swing feeling the cool air)

BAND. STOP MAKING ME $#(. There, i censored the word. It's not even vulgar. Sigh.

ARGHHH. YIYAN. CAN YOU JUST LET GO.

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